I'll Always Love You
by HazZel and CriMson
Summary: when his love has fade she'll walked away. but got an assignment. and she realize that everyday she is dying. die a little bit. she change her mind, she would be gone and this time for real. 'don't blame yourself, i'll always love you' RxD
1. Chapter 1

_**Huy guys… this my new story, a one-shot story and a songfic. my first in a songfic. so tell me if it's good or not.. hhe :)**_

_**But I don't know if it will remain a one-shot or give it a sequel… it's your choice readers... so tell me how do you want it...? ;) and for those who read my other VA story 'Love in Lost Heaven' I'm sorry for not updating in ages… I'm working on it right now and school made it difficult to finish… hope you understand… **_

_**So here it is…**_

_**Disclaimer: Vampire Academy and its contents belongs to Richelle Mead, I just own the plot... and the song 'Remember When' belongs to Avril Lavigne.. huff i'm sad i don't own it...**_

_**Happy reading guys... hope you like it and tell me what you think! ;)**_

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><p><em><strong>Remember when I cried to you a thousand times<strong>_

_**I told you everything, you know my feelings**_

As she walked towards the church she remembered when the first time they met. The time they practice together. Annoyed each other to no end. Care for each other. And it was where it all started. Remember when they felt in love. Where she trusted him for the first time even if they barely knew each other. The time she lost control and was scared to the darkness which leaded them to give in to each other. She told him everything. He knows her feelings.

_**It never crossed my mind**_

_**That there would be a time**_

_**For us to say goodbye, what a big surprise**_

After they gave in to each other they thought everything would be alright. But fate proved it wrong. Yes, they had a silence promise to kill each other if one of them was turned to their nightmare, become a strigoi. But it never crossed her mind that it would happen, to him of all people. After all those times they spent together. Loving each other, laughing, crying, joking, and practicing. Never for once that had it crossed her mind that there would be a time to say goodbye. Not to mention it's a cruel one. A cruel goodbye.

What a surprise.

When he turned into strigoi, by force. She thought it was a good bye. But then when she set a journey to free him she found a way to changed him back. Even if it was impossible at first, but she did. She did the impossible. And at that time she thought everything would be like the way they left it before. But boy was she wrong?

She arrived in the front door of the church. She came in quietly, and then she started scanning the room and felt like a magnet her eyes looked toward where he sat. There in the back of the rows, not far from she stood he sat. His head hanging down with a pain, sadness and guilty looked crossed across his face as if he had the burden of the world.

Slowly she walked to him soundlessly, didn't want to alert him. But as soon as she sat and their knee touched he couldn't help but tense. When their eyes met, the electricity between them appears. They just ignored it.

"Rose." He said in his mentor voice. But who is he kidding with? Puh-lease. She is in fact The Rose Hathaway, not to mention his former student. She never listened to people, not in her right mind. "Go away. I don't want you here" he hissed quietly so to not to draw attention.

"Not a chance comrade" she said using his nickname. "I just want to know how are you" her voice held a sadness, even a blind person could see it. "Talk to you, see you, and talk about... us" she whispered the last word afraid that it would be a wrong word.

"There are no 'us'" he growled. After a silence moment he whispered coldly "I wish you hadn't come here. It's really better for us to stay apart"

"That's funny because I could have sworn you once said that we were meant to be together" she hissed

"No rose, just go I don't want you here. Isn't it clear I want nothing to do with you!" he shouted showing some emotion.

Feeling rejected and if she stayed any longer maybe she would do something stupid finally she stood up, "this isn't over. I won't give up on you!" she shouted as she turned around about to walked away when he said it.

"I've given up on you," he whispered softly "Love fades. Mine has" he added. She turned around as fast as lightning. His words shock her. His face as hard as stone and there is something in his eyes, something she'd never seen before. Cold eyes.

He didn't lie. He was telling her the truth. Then suddenly it all clicked. Why he would never see her after being restored, why he didn't want to talk to her, why he couldn't stand being around her. All this time she thought that it was because of the guilt he felt of what he was doing while he was a strigoi. But she's wrong. It's all because he didn't want or love her.

Is he even ever loved her in the first place?

After all this time they had spent together. Their memories. Their arguments. Their fights. It's not something that could fade easy, right?

Suddenly her phone buzzed in her jeans pocket. She took it and pressed the answer button.

"Hathaway" she answered in a little voice, aware of the other people in the church.

"It's Hans. Come to my office immediately." He commanded

"Ok."

She glanced at the man in front of her, the one who just broke her heart. Tears started to form in her eyes threatening to fell. Didn't want to be seen in her weakness she walked away. But before she turned around she caught some emotion in those cold brown eyes, unfortunately she didn't stay long to figure out what it is.

When he was turned, she thought it was a goodbye. But then she thought over it again.

How she was wrong. After he turned back into his former self, she knows.

.

.

.

It was the real goodbye.

Love fades. Mine has.

_**But I'm not lost, I'm not gone**_

_**I haven't forgot**_

She thought everything would be all right. But no, instead her world had shattered. She was hurt and broken. She's lost. A person who just lost something so precious. Her heart felt empty. She forgot what it felt to be happy. In these past months all she ever felt was hurt. It seemed like the world make a fun of her. She can't felt anything. Maybe her heart already gone too?

.

.

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She knocked on the wooden door and then come an answer. She walked in and stared at the head guardian.

"Guardian Hathaway. I didn't expect you to come this fast, but well… " said the head guardian from his chair behind the desk. He was looking through what she assumed was a report. "I have an assignment for you, but… you can refuse it if you don't want it" he said a little stuttered.

Rose was curious. Why was he so… nervous? What was the assignment? Little did she know it would sent her to the fate that wanted her to be a few years ago.

"What is it?" she asked nervous.

"The queen has given me a report about strigoi headquarters that was given by Mr. Belikov" she flinched when he said his name. "And her majesty wants me to send a few guardians to take that HQ"

There a silence for a while. She proceeds it slowly for her liking. Thank for a certain someone for made her like this. Then she got it.

"You give me an assignment to take a strigoi HQ that has been report by Mr. Belikov with some other guardians?" she asked surprised.

"Yes. But you can refu-"

"No! I accept this assignment" shouted Rose, cutting Hans speech in the process.

"Rose," he whispered. "You know that this IS NOT just an assignment right?" asked Hans which was replied by a nodded.

"You do realize that this is also a suicide mission, right?" answered by Rose with a nodded. Again. "And do you realize that there's a chance you won't coming back alive?" another nod. "And are you sure you want accept it?"

She already made her decision. At first she just wants to run away, leaving behind everything that had hurt her in every way possible. But now that she got this assignment and she could run without losing her job, even if she would risk her life –like she didn't risk it every day- it's a plus right?

She wouldn't be gone. She just needed time to sort of things. She maybe not had gone, not yet. But half of her soul, it is. She lost. But thanks to god who sent Hans to give her an assignment. No, she's not lost. Rose Hathaway never lost. And she wouldn't forget it either. The feelings they had ever shared she would treasure it. It's too precious. The memories of them together.

_**These feelings I can't shake no more**_

_**These feelings are running out the door**_

_**I can feel it falling down**_

_**And I'm not going back again**_

But still it hurts. The assignment was still 3 months away. They need to prepare everything before they took the action. And it hard to be near him every day without even acknowledge each other. She longing for him, everything about him. The way they talked to each other, how they understand each other without saying a single word. The electricity that sparks whenever they near each other or when they touch still there, but they just ignored it like nothing. It's too much for her heart. And because of it her heart was dying slowly every day. She could feel it. And even if she sure as hell that she would always love him no matter what, she can't help but lost hope of everything. And it's not going back again.

_**These feelings I can't take no more**_

_**This emptiness in the bottom drawer**_

_**It's getting harder to pretend**_

_**And I'm not coming back around again**_

Erase everything that relate with them. It's a complete useless, cause you're not going anywhere. They would see each other every day. Seeing as they lived at the same place but didn't live it at the moment.

She thought she could do it. She is strong. Pretend as if nothing happened and not knowing him. But it's hard. The strength she have had already been ripped away from her that day at the church.

His features. His warm brown eyes that could see through her soul, his silky hair, his warm hands that always give a tingling sensation through her body every time they touch. It's just hurt so much. She can't take it anymore.

As she made her decision her heart lost all of its feelings.

As if her heart not lost yet.

Now the place was empty.

She already gave up as she made her decision. The first time maybe she planned to just accept this assignment for fun. To take her mind off of him, of the heart-break. Finish this assignment and then walked out of their life. But as she spent the past few months like she barely alive. And none asked her about her well-being. She's so sure of herself. She changed her mind. And she was sure as hell that this time she wouldn't go back.

And it's final. She was going to leave. For real.

And for the last time that night. She let herself to remember all of them. Her family. Or so-called family.

_**I remember when it was together till the end**_

_**Now I'm alone again**_

_**Where do I begin?**_

She remember when they still together. They talked about their future. How they will make it together as a couple. But now, she's alone again. She's alone from the beginning. She didn't have anyone. Her mom, her father, Lissa, her friends, and Dimitri, they never love her in the first place, right? No one loves her. She never loved.

Such a destiny.

Now where the hell does she begin?

_**I cried a little bit, you die a little bit**_

_**Please say there are no regrets**_

_**And say you won't forget**_

It's the last time she went to met him. There was something that bothers her and he has the answer.

Under a full moon they met. His silky brown hair looked so soft under the moonlight. But what captive her the most was his eyes. It was back to its old way. Chocolate brown eyes that could drown you just by looking at them. It made her heart cried a little bit.

From there she knew something. The same as her, he died a little bit. Just not as much as her. She just wanted the answer and there was no one who can give her an answer but him.

"How are you?" she asked. She couldn't help it. She wanted to know how he was doing. After all the effort she made to forget about their love, it's useless. She still loves him. A lot.

"I'm fine" his simple answer.

"I have questions. Please answer it truthfully, don't lie to me" she asked.

He just nodded.

"Did you love me? Did you even ever love me in the first place? Or is it just to pass the boredom by making me your toy?" she asked. Little did she know she's afraid of his answer?

"Yes…" he said softly "I did love you Roza. Since the beginning I already loved you. No matter what I've done since I was... since I was a strigoi and was turned back, believe me when I said that I loved you. I'm sorry that I hurt you so much. And I'm sorry that I can't be with you." He added with sincerity in his voice. Unfortunately he wore his guardian mask so she couldn't see what emotions behind that hard but beautiful face.

"Are you regret it?" she asked him again "are you regret ever loved me?" she explained.

"No I won't ever regret it, it was the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me" he said looking straight in the eyes. His word like a comfort to her soul. It lifted a little heart-ache that she felt. A moment she got lost in that chocolate pool and she saw something that maybe she just imagined. In his eyes there're hurt. Sadness. Anger. And… was it love? But she shrugged it off. Thinking it was just her imagination. If only she believe.

_**This was then, now it's the end**_

_**I'm not coming back, I can't pretend**_

_**Remember when**_

"Thanks. It's what I need. I'm not going to bugging you again. Thank you for everything, Comrade." she whispered softly. A small smile appeared in her beautiful face. It was the first time she smiled from her heart for months. Tears welled up in her eyes threaten to come out.

"Roza…"

"No." she cut him off "I won't forget about you. I'll always remember you. And I'll always love you no matter what. Always have and always will. Goodbye. Have a nice life comrade." She said it. Her last good bye. She turned around and started to walk away.

"Hope we met in the next life Dimitri. In a different life from this. I love you" she barely whispered it as tears rolling down her cheeks. She didn't intend for him to hear it, but because of his Dhampir earring and thanks to the wind he heard it. And with it she walked away. Walked toward her maybe death bed. Her only wish was she could back in Dimitri's arm, hugged him, kissing him and telling him how much she loves him. Guess it's not going to happen, if only he knows.

"I love you too Roza. Always have and always will. I hope so. And… I'm sorry... for everything" he answered, loud enough for her to heard it. But unfortunately she just thought that it was her that imagined something. She thought she was starting to get crazy.

Boy, if only she believe…

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.

.

A week after she left they knew where she was going. They knew what she's up to. But it's already too late. She's gone. They realize their mistake. Like someone said, you never knew what you have till you lose it. They just hope she was going to make it. Back to them, where she belongs.

Unfortunately luck wasn't on their side this time. She's gone. For real, just like she decided. She lost in the assignment with two other guardians. From what they were told she was going to make it alive, but there was a human girl that was held captive and they running out of time. She back to the house and when she was near the door, only a few inches away a strigoi grabbed her and bite her. The other guardians staked the strigoi. But when they reached SUV, she didn't make it because she lost a lot of blood. The strigoi has drained her.

Today was the funeral. Everyone at court come to see it. They knew who she was, how brave she was, how loyal she was, and they all know she was a great guardian, friends, sister, daughter, and lover.

They mourn for their lost. But there was a man who has the most burdens on his shoulder. He felt guilty about his action. If only he cherished her, treasure her and protect her. If only he didn't too swallow in his self pity. Maybe she would be there with him. Smiling to each other, express how much they love each other. But it's too late. He can't cry over the spilt milk.

He remembered their last encounter. What she said, how her face looked like when that smile appeared on her face for the first time in months genuinely. Now he understood what she wanted with her question. She wanted to make sure whether their love was a fake or a real one. And her last hope. He wished it will come true.

Forever this guilt will always with him. Reminding him of what he'd done.

How he wish he could take what he'd done.

"Roza... I'm sorry. Forgive me please... Roza..." It's the voice of a broken man with a loss of his heart and love. Her voice held a deep sorrow and sadness.

He barely heard a voice whispered into the wind. A soft voice like an angel.

"I long forgave you dimitri. Don't blame yourself. Remember what I said, _**and I'll always love you no matter what. Always have and always will**_."

He turned around and there she stood wear a clothes from what he assumed was the last time she wear. Her body was transparent just like a smoke. But there's a smile in her face. A real smile.

"See you, Dimitri"

He blinked. Once, twice she still there. Thrice and she's gone. The burden in his heart was lifted a little. A small hope made its way to his heart.

"See you too Roza, in the next life of course"

And just like their wish. It comes true. They met in the next life in different condition like last time. This times no one against their love. Everyone support them. Even if they still had to fight for their love. And then they live as a happy family.

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><p><strong>What do you think? How is it? Bad? Or good? Tell me your opinion. I'd like to hear them from you… ;)<strong>

**Should I end it here? Or should I make a sequel? Your choice readers…! XD**

**Love, **

**~HeartKreuz Roza~**


	2. Author's Note

**Author's Note**

Hey guys... XD long time no see! I'm sorry for not updating in a long time…

I just want to inform you that the sequel of **I Will Always Love You** is already out! :DD it's already out since few days ago. I'm sorry for the late information, I forgot to put an author note… and I also published a new story called **The Swan Princess**.

I hope you like the sequel and the new story… tell me what you think about them, please! And maybe I'll update in a longer time since the senior school I am always busy with my homework, study, project and searching for college..

Okay guys… see you later


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